ENTRIES

02.16.25

so either my last entry didnt save ooorr it got deleted. oh whale, i wanted to come back and say ive been thinking a lot about transhumanism a lot lately. its a truly fascinating topic and believe as a concept itd be super cool and beneficial even. and for me personally, i like the idea of being something more and having less restriction. because like, there's also the multiverse theory where its said there could be tons of other realities/dimensions like ours and thus multiple different versions of ourselves or people like us, but its not exactly you. and i dunno about you but i like having customizable options. like maybe i have built-in night vision or mechanical leg so they dont get tired. i could actually talk about this for hours because ive also discovered mind uploading (its not possible but its honestly a really cool idea)

02.23.25

yippee i feel like crap..im glad spring is at least coming soon and i can get out of the house more because im beginning to feel like a prisoner in life. everyday is the same and with depression making it hard to enjoy things i normally like doing, being in the house all the time leads to me feeling empty and bored. i mean right now i guess its not too bad because im watching this dude play some minecraft horror mod and the fear factor is definitely helping in feeling something. but still, i need to do something about my way of living soon

03.04.25

ya boy has hit a mental decline.....and at this point im beginning to think i exist in a different version of reality. its like i stopped existing to everyone and have no way to communicate with anyone, and they have no way to communicate with me. i dont think my consistent consumption in horror media is helping either, because it just leaves me feeling further isolated. i mean, im trying more to do the one thing that scares me the most; putting myself out there. by going outside more often and interacting with people online too, but its much harder than it wouldve been at any other point in my life. maybe its mostly on me, for intentionally isolating myself and hiding every bit of me so i remain unknown to everyone i interact with. maybe its the other parts of me trying to protect us. im honestly not sure...i just know i want this all to go away. i havent felt this way since january 2024 when i was so disconnected from reality to cope with events that happened the month prior (and oh the timing, the song i had on loop for months because it fit my feelings at the time just came on). but its weird to me because its been weeks, maybe months since anything major happened in my life, so what could be the reason for this now? well, unless we wanna count something that happened two nights ago...its crazy how the mind works